Growing up an orphan, Stephen had to work to survive. He began his life as a chimney sweep. Because of his slim build and and lack of funds for the necessary equipment, he used his body alone as the cleaning implement. After a debilitating bout of “chimney sweep trots” (a bowel disorder), his livelihood was no more. Finding himself broke, he sold himself to a Frenchman of noble heritage. At this chateau he was taught the art of tadpole wrangling. A vital step in the raising of frogs. The frogs were de-legged to feed the never ending appetite of the French race for said legs. Leaving France he made his way to America aboard a tramp steamer. He paid his way by making artificial limbs from spare engine parts for the less fortunate of the crew. Dropped off in Philadelphia with no money or prospects, he spent nights sneaking into the zoo to sleep in the aardvark den. Fortune finally smiled upon him when rummaging through the zoo’s lost and found, he came upon a 35 mm camera. Desperate to learn how to use it, he found a local photographer willing to teach him. In exchange for this education though, he was forced to pose in compromising positions with stuffed animals and poorly constructed Swedish furniture.
After mastering the art of photography, he became rich and famous, and married a princess. The End
PS. The man hosting this event is an impostor and not to be trusted.
Square Peg Artery & Salvage
108 South 20th Street
Philadelphia, PA, 19103
215 360 5548